The below article is borrowed from Bangalore Times, dated September 25, 2009. For all my friends, here on, give a second thought before sharing your secrets with any woman, be it your GF or your friend who is girl et al. Whatever be the case, a must read article, no matter whether you are a girl or guy!
Most women cannot keep a secret for more than 47 hours, a new survey has revealed. In the survey involving 3,000 women aged 18 to 65, four out of 10 respondents admitted that they cannot keep a secret, no matter how personal or embarrassing. While 83 per cent of women believe they are “completely trustworthy” and three in four claim they would never betray a confidence, it is unlikely that they keep their lips sealed. And their likely confidante is their husband, boyfriend, mother or best friend. Nearly 45 per cent said they blurt out secrets just to get it off their chests and then most of them feel guilty. More than half blamed alcohol for blurting out the secrets. “It’s official — women can’t keep secrets,” a daily quoted Michael Cox, UK director of the company that commissioned the research, as saying.
Women hear at least three nuggets of gossip in a week — about sex, affairs, guys in office, or how much so-and-so really spent on that handbag.“What we didn’t bank on was how quickly these are passed on. Everyone who has confided in a friend should be worried,” he added.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Evolution
It’s an age old phenomenon that human beings evolve with time. But why did I choose to write about this topic, which probably would be a little weird. Well, experience is something, which I feel is unique and is always first-hand, even if something has been done a million times by others and you are doing it for the first time.
This is what prompted me write on evolution. I have been an avid user of Gmail (for beginners, it is Google’s email service) from January 2006. One of the features I love the most is that the storage is virtually unlimited and one doesn’t need to delete any mails. After a long and tiring day, around 2:00 AM last night (or is it morning?) I did this exercise. I started reading mails at random, beginning with the first mail that I had received in January 2006 till date. I observed that…
• My way of writing mails had changed dramatically
• My vocabulary was more or less in the same lines, but usage of certain words had changed considerably
• Few things which were my dreams had become a thing of past while some seemed really silly
• Last, but not the least, some mysteries did uncover, based upon the mails few people had written to what actions took place in reality
Maybe, few years down the line when I again undertake the same exercise, today’s action might seem silly. What I am not even thinking remotely about today, may become my biggest dream.
If you have not tried this exercise (and have some excess time), I strongly recommend you to do so. Most certainly you will realize how your personality has evolved with time!
This is what prompted me write on evolution. I have been an avid user of Gmail (for beginners, it is Google’s email service) from January 2006. One of the features I love the most is that the storage is virtually unlimited and one doesn’t need to delete any mails. After a long and tiring day, around 2:00 AM last night (or is it morning?) I did this exercise. I started reading mails at random, beginning with the first mail that I had received in January 2006 till date. I observed that…
• My way of writing mails had changed dramatically
• My vocabulary was more or less in the same lines, but usage of certain words had changed considerably
• Few things which were my dreams had become a thing of past while some seemed really silly
• Last, but not the least, some mysteries did uncover, based upon the mails few people had written to what actions took place in reality
Maybe, few years down the line when I again undertake the same exercise, today’s action might seem silly. What I am not even thinking remotely about today, may become my biggest dream.
If you have not tried this exercise (and have some excess time), I strongly recommend you to do so. Most certainly you will realize how your personality has evolved with time!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Midlife Crisis!
Please note that this article has been borrowed from an online article. And the target audience is a handful of people! A good friend suggested me to read this article. God knows why? A nice read though!
What the Hell is a Midlife Crisis?
Justice Stewart's wisdom about pornography applies to midlife, too: tough to define, but you know it when you're in it. Men in the muddle often use words such as "aimless," "confused," "lost." Previously surefooted guys come to question things in which they once believed -- marriage, work, friendships. Some men report losing their vitality, their joy in things they used to savor. In the book Flyfishing through the Midlife Crisis, the New York Times executive editor Howell Raines describes this feeling as "disappointment and restlessness that tiptoe in on little cat feet."
Here's a symptom sampler: insomnia, fatigue, despair, morbidity, inability to concentrate, ruefulness about roads not taken, dread that life holds no more surprises, regrets, sharp longing for something (a gunmetal Porsche, a cigarette boat) or someone (the FedEx woman, Gina, whose smile is a promise of overnight delivery). Men in crisis often obsess about big questions, as in, "Does my life matter?"
"Many men start to think in terms of how little time they have left," says James. In severe cases, men fantasize about just lighting out, shucking off their old lives and starting over in the South Pacific or the Sawtooth Range. At 36, the world's our oyster, but by 44, we're trapped inside the oyster, gasping for air.
The midlife stew often starts with some garden-variety boredom. If you've been hoeing the same row for 20 years, only an idiot wouldn't wonder if there aren't some more interesting rows somewhere else. On top of tedium, we often get our first bolt of serious bad news: the death of a parent, trouble in a marriage, a career setback, the transformation of the 8-year-old who thought you were God into the adolescent who thinks you're the devil. Crushing chest pain and the word "biopsy" can set a fellow to thinking about what he's done with this life.
Often, come our 40s, some undeniable facts start eroding the dubious pillars on which we've built our notion of a man.
What the Hell is a Midlife Crisis?
Justice Stewart's wisdom about pornography applies to midlife, too: tough to define, but you know it when you're in it. Men in the muddle often use words such as "aimless," "confused," "lost." Previously surefooted guys come to question things in which they once believed -- marriage, work, friendships. Some men report losing their vitality, their joy in things they used to savor. In the book Flyfishing through the Midlife Crisis, the New York Times executive editor Howell Raines describes this feeling as "disappointment and restlessness that tiptoe in on little cat feet."
Here's a symptom sampler: insomnia, fatigue, despair, morbidity, inability to concentrate, ruefulness about roads not taken, dread that life holds no more surprises, regrets, sharp longing for something (a gunmetal Porsche, a cigarette boat) or someone (the FedEx woman, Gina, whose smile is a promise of overnight delivery). Men in crisis often obsess about big questions, as in, "Does my life matter?"
"Many men start to think in terms of how little time they have left," says James. In severe cases, men fantasize about just lighting out, shucking off their old lives and starting over in the South Pacific or the Sawtooth Range. At 36, the world's our oyster, but by 44, we're trapped inside the oyster, gasping for air.
The midlife stew often starts with some garden-variety boredom. If you've been hoeing the same row for 20 years, only an idiot wouldn't wonder if there aren't some more interesting rows somewhere else. On top of tedium, we often get our first bolt of serious bad news: the death of a parent, trouble in a marriage, a career setback, the transformation of the 8-year-old who thought you were God into the adolescent who thinks you're the devil. Crushing chest pain and the word "biopsy" can set a fellow to thinking about what he's done with this life.
Often, come our 40s, some undeniable facts start eroding the dubious pillars on which we've built our notion of a man.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Time to get back!
After having spent just over 3 months back home, it’s time to get back to place where I started off from. And now is when I realize that 3 months, just over 90 days is too small a period. On such instances I’m reminded of the famous example cited by the great Albert Einstein to explain his theory of relativity, “If you sit on a gas stove for 2 minutes, those 2 minutes will be felt like two hours and if you have a conversation with a beautiful lady for two hours, those two hours will be felt like 2 minutes” (I can vouch for the later statement... I did experience it on a couple of junctures)
I realize that these times are filled with nostalgia and it would be apt to compare my present state of mind with the one, just over an year ago, when I left for the first time. Then, I had mixed feeling of excitement, nervousness and expectations. Now, it’s almost that the stage is set and I need to stick to my plans. There is little element of surprise left, which should ideally make things easy. But as they say, surprises can occur at any point in time, especially when you already are in a system and tend to anticipate things. So, again I am prepared for some surprises (rather shocks) and new challenges that I might have to face. Whatever is the case, I know one thing for sure, life is not going to be as flowery as it has been during these 3 months. The chivalry that I rediscovered in me (courtesy, my mom and few other noble souls) will soon be lost. The comforts and luxuries are definitely going to be a thing of past. In spite of all this, I’m looking forward for getting back.
During three months, I had my own highs and lows.
Some of the highs were:
• Meeting some of favorite people on a regular basis and those endless conversations
• Food (ask anyone away from home, the importance of homemade food. I gained over 5 pounds)
• Relaxation and Travel
Lows, I would like to mention a little softly:
• Disappointment and Differences (Many people left me disappointed. The root cause was 'over expectations' and inability to adapt to changing times I would say. I feel, I have learned some tricks to handle this in future)
• Troubled health (Ha! I had no control over this, but still would have preferred to be in the pink of my health all the time. It cut short my plans of meeting people and spending quality time)
All said and done, still I don’t know how things are going to be, a week from now. Well, that’s the beauty of life. No one can perfectly guess what’s stored in future!
PS: Thanks to you people, for making me feel special during these three months. I have missed you in the past and am surely going to miss you again, hopefully for not too long :)
I realize that these times are filled with nostalgia and it would be apt to compare my present state of mind with the one, just over an year ago, when I left for the first time. Then, I had mixed feeling of excitement, nervousness and expectations. Now, it’s almost that the stage is set and I need to stick to my plans. There is little element of surprise left, which should ideally make things easy. But as they say, surprises can occur at any point in time, especially when you already are in a system and tend to anticipate things. So, again I am prepared for some surprises (rather shocks) and new challenges that I might have to face. Whatever is the case, I know one thing for sure, life is not going to be as flowery as it has been during these 3 months. The chivalry that I rediscovered in me (courtesy, my mom and few other noble souls) will soon be lost. The comforts and luxuries are definitely going to be a thing of past. In spite of all this, I’m looking forward for getting back.
During three months, I had my own highs and lows.
Some of the highs were:
• Meeting some of favorite people on a regular basis and those endless conversations
• Food (ask anyone away from home, the importance of homemade food. I gained over 5 pounds)
• Relaxation and Travel
Lows, I would like to mention a little softly:
• Disappointment and Differences (Many people left me disappointed. The root cause was 'over expectations' and inability to adapt to changing times I would say. I feel, I have learned some tricks to handle this in future)
• Troubled health (Ha! I had no control over this, but still would have preferred to be in the pink of my health all the time. It cut short my plans of meeting people and spending quality time)
All said and done, still I don’t know how things are going to be, a week from now. Well, that’s the beauty of life. No one can perfectly guess what’s stored in future!
PS: Thanks to you people, for making me feel special during these three months. I have missed you in the past and am surely going to miss you again, hopefully for not too long :)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Time Locked
It’s been a while since I returned from foreign land. And before getting back, I spent a fair amount of time away from home. I had always seen people complaining of bad infrastructure, overcrowded roads et al, once back from the west. Honestly speaking I never felt that way. But I did face some other problem. This one was subtle and hard to explain, I must admit.
When I came back, I had the same image of Bangalore, which I had seen nearly an year ago. However that was not the case. It was little hard to imagine this city undergoing some minor or major restructuring. Be it the signal free road to the new airport or badly damaged CMH road (due to construction work of Metro Rail), it was little hard to adjust. However any city goes through transition and one has to keep moving, keeping this thought in mind. After all one year isn’t that small a time frame.
I also observed this phenomenon in some other instances as well. Most of my conversations with my friends were either based upon incidents that took place over an year ago, or in the past couple of months. Last one year has become a big void and I doubt whether I would be able to fill it or not.
More hurting was to see a few people change, and change for worse in this time. Some, who were most trusted have been acting like strangers while some strangers have become good friends. Is the time lock responsible for this as well? Maybe yes or maybe not! Well that’s the way it has been so far. All I hope for, is I don’t experience this time lock factor once I get back to US. Because my mind would have the image of Athens, about 3 months back. Again 3 months isn’t that small a time frame for people to change. It's the ability to adapt to changing times and behavior, which is very crucial for us to come out of this time lock.
When I came back, I had the same image of Bangalore, which I had seen nearly an year ago. However that was not the case. It was little hard to imagine this city undergoing some minor or major restructuring. Be it the signal free road to the new airport or badly damaged CMH road (due to construction work of Metro Rail), it was little hard to adjust. However any city goes through transition and one has to keep moving, keeping this thought in mind. After all one year isn’t that small a time frame.
I also observed this phenomenon in some other instances as well. Most of my conversations with my friends were either based upon incidents that took place over an year ago, or in the past couple of months. Last one year has become a big void and I doubt whether I would be able to fill it or not.
More hurting was to see a few people change, and change for worse in this time. Some, who were most trusted have been acting like strangers while some strangers have become good friends. Is the time lock responsible for this as well? Maybe yes or maybe not! Well that’s the way it has been so far. All I hope for, is I don’t experience this time lock factor once I get back to US. Because my mind would have the image of Athens, about 3 months back. Again 3 months isn’t that small a time frame for people to change. It's the ability to adapt to changing times and behavior, which is very crucial for us to come out of this time lock.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Truth be told...
I have been waiting to share this with my readers, for a while, but something or the other has kept me occupied for over a month. I came out with this writing to illustrate the three incidences that I recently experienced. Please don’t ask me about these three experiences, as few experiences are better left unshared. But I won’t keep you in total darkness. So here is the after-effect of all the three incidents. Each one a different one, but effect has been more or less the same.
In the first case, I was deeply hurt by someone’s words. In the second one I was again deeply hurt by someone’s actions. In the third one someone was deeply hurt by my words. What were people hurt for, in all these three cases? While I was giving it a deep thought I remembered a short story which I had read as a 12 year old. Nearly 14 years later, I’m compelled to share the same story with you. The story goes something like this…
Long, Long ago, in Greece there lived a king Andrew. He was known both as a kind-heart as well as a brave-heart. Along with these two good qualities, he was known for his wisdom and ability to deliver justice on all instances. Naturally he was very popular and loved by the people.
Andrew also had good relations with rulers of neighboring kingdom and ensured their complete entertainment when they came by to his province. This was one such occasion when king Cosmos came for a two day visit. Andrew gave him no opportunity to complain about any possible inconvenience. After meals and the dance program (as there were no other ways of entertainment back then) the king presented him one of the best shows. This show was the most talked-about by all the visitors, the buffoon’s comedy show.
During the course of this show, the buffoon played various tricks and used his humorous words to keep the crowed spellbound. But in doing so, there were several instances when the buffoon crossed his limits, which also took king Cosmos by surprise. For example, the buffoon once called king Andrew ‘incapable’ and further said, “had the king been really capable, he would have entertained his guests himself and not used a wise person like myself, instead”. The joke made Andrew along with crowed burst into laughter. Cosmos even asked Andrew, “How could you laugh at such a joke?” To this he said, “Look my friend, it is humor. One should have enough sense of humor and take things in a sporting manner”. After some time, the buffoon called the king as a person with ‘dull voice’, which was exactly the opposite. By now Cosmos had got a hang of this kinda humor and without raising any eyebrows he joined others in laughing. Later, the buffoon who stood as tall as 4ft 8 inches claimed that Andrew was shorter than him and challenged Andrew to stand next to him to prove him otherwise.
Things went on in the same way, with the buffoon cracking jokes on the king, his ministers and several others present there, until he called Andrew a ‘bald’ man. To this Andrew got extremely wild, cancelled the show and ordered the buffoon’s arrest. Everyone was taken by surprise as to why the king was unusually angry. Andrew decided to hang the buffoon after 3 days.
One the last day the Andrew visited the buffoon and asked him, if he had any last wish left. The buffoon said, “Your highness, before I die, I would like to know my mistake, for which I’m being hanged. I called you incapable, you didn’t mind it. I called you a person with dull voice, you didn’t mind it. I called you a short man, you didn’t mind it. I cracked several other jokes on you, your ministers and your guests, but you never objected. But when I called you bald, why you got so wild at me” Andrew paused for a while and said, “Whatever you said earlier about me was untrue except that I’m in fact bald. Though you spoke in a humorous manner, your calling me bald poked my ego. This truth was too bitter for me to handle.” The buffoon interrupted and said, “Your highness, you are known for delivering justice and hanging someone for hurting you unintentionally, justice will not be done! Please reconsider your decision” Andrew thought for a while and said, “I will excuse you. Promise me, not only in my case, but in any case, if you get to know about someone’s weaknesses, though it is undeniably real, never mention such points, even unintentionally. It can leave any person upset forever” Saying this, he again reinstated the buffoon as the official entertainer of the kingdom.
What moral I learned from this short story was… Truth is a subtle weapon, which can at times make a person happy and make the same person unhappy on different instances. Before speaking out truth, one has to evaluate the situation and then speak. Remember, some things are better left unsaid.
In the three incidents I mentioned earlier, I felt… the person who hurt me, pointed out one of weaknesses, which exists in me. In the second incidence, I caught a person, who at that moment was one of my most trusted, lying. I want to believe that lie turn out to be true, but truth was just too bitter. In the last incidence, my words, some intentional and some unintentional, hurt another person, close to me. I’m guessing I unnecessarily mentioned some incidents in which that person was wrong and claimed to be correct. May be I shouldn’t have done that!
That perhaps is the reason phrases such as bitter truth and harsh reality have been more popular than sweet truth and soft reality in our society.
In the first case, I was deeply hurt by someone’s words. In the second one I was again deeply hurt by someone’s actions. In the third one someone was deeply hurt by my words. What were people hurt for, in all these three cases? While I was giving it a deep thought I remembered a short story which I had read as a 12 year old. Nearly 14 years later, I’m compelled to share the same story with you. The story goes something like this…
Long, Long ago, in Greece there lived a king Andrew. He was known both as a kind-heart as well as a brave-heart. Along with these two good qualities, he was known for his wisdom and ability to deliver justice on all instances. Naturally he was very popular and loved by the people.
Andrew also had good relations with rulers of neighboring kingdom and ensured their complete entertainment when they came by to his province. This was one such occasion when king Cosmos came for a two day visit. Andrew gave him no opportunity to complain about any possible inconvenience. After meals and the dance program (as there were no other ways of entertainment back then) the king presented him one of the best shows. This show was the most talked-about by all the visitors, the buffoon’s comedy show.
During the course of this show, the buffoon played various tricks and used his humorous words to keep the crowed spellbound. But in doing so, there were several instances when the buffoon crossed his limits, which also took king Cosmos by surprise. For example, the buffoon once called king Andrew ‘incapable’ and further said, “had the king been really capable, he would have entertained his guests himself and not used a wise person like myself, instead”. The joke made Andrew along with crowed burst into laughter. Cosmos even asked Andrew, “How could you laugh at such a joke?” To this he said, “Look my friend, it is humor. One should have enough sense of humor and take things in a sporting manner”. After some time, the buffoon called the king as a person with ‘dull voice’, which was exactly the opposite. By now Cosmos had got a hang of this kinda humor and without raising any eyebrows he joined others in laughing. Later, the buffoon who stood as tall as 4ft 8 inches claimed that Andrew was shorter than him and challenged Andrew to stand next to him to prove him otherwise.
Things went on in the same way, with the buffoon cracking jokes on the king, his ministers and several others present there, until he called Andrew a ‘bald’ man. To this Andrew got extremely wild, cancelled the show and ordered the buffoon’s arrest. Everyone was taken by surprise as to why the king was unusually angry. Andrew decided to hang the buffoon after 3 days.
One the last day the Andrew visited the buffoon and asked him, if he had any last wish left. The buffoon said, “Your highness, before I die, I would like to know my mistake, for which I’m being hanged. I called you incapable, you didn’t mind it. I called you a person with dull voice, you didn’t mind it. I called you a short man, you didn’t mind it. I cracked several other jokes on you, your ministers and your guests, but you never objected. But when I called you bald, why you got so wild at me” Andrew paused for a while and said, “Whatever you said earlier about me was untrue except that I’m in fact bald. Though you spoke in a humorous manner, your calling me bald poked my ego. This truth was too bitter for me to handle.” The buffoon interrupted and said, “Your highness, you are known for delivering justice and hanging someone for hurting you unintentionally, justice will not be done! Please reconsider your decision” Andrew thought for a while and said, “I will excuse you. Promise me, not only in my case, but in any case, if you get to know about someone’s weaknesses, though it is undeniably real, never mention such points, even unintentionally. It can leave any person upset forever” Saying this, he again reinstated the buffoon as the official entertainer of the kingdom.
What moral I learned from this short story was… Truth is a subtle weapon, which can at times make a person happy and make the same person unhappy on different instances. Before speaking out truth, one has to evaluate the situation and then speak. Remember, some things are better left unsaid.
In the three incidents I mentioned earlier, I felt… the person who hurt me, pointed out one of weaknesses, which exists in me. In the second incidence, I caught a person, who at that moment was one of my most trusted, lying. I want to believe that lie turn out to be true, but truth was just too bitter. In the last incidence, my words, some intentional and some unintentional, hurt another person, close to me. I’m guessing I unnecessarily mentioned some incidents in which that person was wrong and claimed to be correct. May be I shouldn’t have done that!
That perhaps is the reason phrases such as bitter truth and harsh reality have been more popular than sweet truth and soft reality in our society.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Dummies Guide for: How to develop and maintain long-lasting relations?
In today’s world a lot is discussed about the complicated life, the true pursuit-of-happiness and the anguish of distancing from the own people. But such discussions often take place in between friends at a bar over the weekends and are often forgotten. But I feel it is very important for one to understand some of the essentials of developing and maintaining long-lasting relations. So, these are some of the points I chalked out and trust you not only enjoy reading this post, but also benefit from it…
1) The 3 C’s:
I have always advocated the importance of 3 C’s in any relation. Communication, Commitment and Compassion are not only most desired, but also most essential attributes of a healthy relation. Reach out to your near & dear ones and maintain a proper communication. It’s only the lack of communication that causes misunderstandings and widens the gap. To keep communication going strong, one needs to have a strong commitment. Recollect the instances when we require a person’s help with whom, we have not been in touch for a while; don’t we make an earnest effort to reach out that person. Compassion is an integral part of human life. The simple trick to follow compassion is to treat the other person, as you want the other person to treat you.
2) Synchronization:
In this techie world, this word can often be mistaken to the conceptual part of the Operating system. As it is essential in a computer’s OS, it is as much essential in human relations. I would like to give you a small work out. Think for couple minutes and try to recollect your 10 favorite people in your life (which could include your family members, friends, crushes et al). Time’s up… continue reading further. Okay, so let me explain how synchronization works in this case. If you recollected the names of your family members, it is quite natural. You would have spent a great deal of time with them and obviously there developed a strong bond. If you recollected your friend’s or your crush’s name, he/she would have been a person at your school, college, your neighbor, your colleague et al. Realize that under compulsory circumstances you spent enough time with these people and on similar topics. That is what has bonded you with them. To give you a deeper insight; in your college days, your best friend was from your section rather than other (in general). At your work place your favorite colleague is the one who has at some point in time been your team member. So, one needs this compulsory synchronization to come close to other and similar strategy to keep the relation going stronger.
3) Social Intelligence:
This term means the ability of understanding the needs that evolve in any relation. As humans, everyone is self-centered. To put it down bluntly, today’s life is a real bitch and every one is playing a pimp's role. So, people have to focus only and only on themselves. Well, this said and done, but without others help, certain things cannot co-exist. We are all social animals and cannot do everything alone. You never know which person you might need in your crunch time. Therefore, even if you have self interest in every action, for that to work well in your favor, one needs to do his/her homework. This homework is a bit complex, but can be rewarding beyond thoughts. Always try to remain in good books of people. For this, be a good listener and deliver what your promise. This builds trust and your next goal should be to retain it. If you cannot do that make sure you don’t over-promise and under-deliver. Say no, if you cannot and say yes, only if you can.
4) Attitude:
The golden phrase that describes the importance of attitude in human relations is, “Words at times can harm, but attitude seldom fails to heal.” Apologize when you screw up. All this takes is to give up that extra bit of ego. Understand the importance of people versus things. It is essential to make sacrifices for our near & dear ones when there is a situation of people over things. Any non-living thing is not irreplaceable, but some people are.
Last but not the least I would like to include one more secret, which is very hard to practice. Infinite-patience. Be considerate and overlook the shortcomings. Focus on positives and ignore negatives in a person. Remember, no one is pure evil. Essentially one needs to be magnanimous for a relation to remain stronger.
To end this post, I choose to borrow the concluding line from the Hindu epic, Gita, “To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction”
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Minority Report
Well, I'm writing neither about the Tom Cruise starrer movie nor about the religious minorities which are discussed only during the election in our country.
Here, I’m uploading an article on a particular minority, which never gets its deserving share in any subject matter. It's written by one of the most prolific modern day writers, Aravind Adiga. Since I too belong to this category, I felt a kinda compulsion to upload this one. Hope you enjoy reading it!
Bachelor bigotry
- By Aravind Adiga
Shabana Azmi, an Indian actor, recently kicked up a stir by claiming that Muslims cannot easily buy homes in Mumbai. This may well be true: but as someone who recently looked for a place to rent in the city, I assure Azmi that there is a category of person even less wanted in this city than the Muslim. I belong to this category.
Mumbai's real-estate market suffers from a perpetual shortage of good, affordable housing. Landlords are picky. The lack of any real anti-discrimination law in the city means that the rental market is a bigot's paradise. Some landlords rent only to non-Muslims; some turn down Hindus; some permit only vegetarians in their flats. But almost none of them will gladly rent to a bachelor.
In the rest of the world, unmarried men are called by their proper, varied names – singleton, gay, divorced, celibate – but Indian society still lumps them into one Victorian-era category: the bachelor. And the landlords of Mumbai want nothing to do with this fellow. Where the bachelor lives, there the orgy follows; this is the great fear. In the landlord's imagination, half-clad women appear and disappear all day long through the bachelor's door; gasps of illicit pleasure rent the middle-class composure of the building; disgrace and scandal follow. Interestingly, the unmarried woman is not regarded as a sexually depraved type, and many landlords are prepared to rent to them. It is only the bachelor who is taboo.
Like so many of the stereotypes cherished by Indians, this one needs to go. All the unmarried men I know are hard at work – on a screenplay, a novel, or trying to find a wife. It's the fellows with the wedding rings, I notice, who get up to the debauchery. But even in India's most liberal city, old attitudes are surprisingly resilient.
I spent a week looking for places – and got told the same thing every time I liked a flat. Even if the landlord was bachelor-tolerant, he was helpless; many of Mumbai's buildings have rules that explicitly forbid unmarried men from renting or buying apartments. Especially my kind of unmarried man. Three species of bachelors inhabit Mumbai, it turns out. First comes the "company bachelor" – the fellow who works for American Express or another multinational; most landlords will take him on, grudgingly. Lower down the real-estate food chain is the "married bachelor" – who is living alone, but has a wife in Canada (or so he says). Last comes the "single bachelor" – no company job, no wife in Canada. This is me. Making things worse is that I describe myself as a "writer", a category that doesn't mean anything to the landlords of Mumbai; any young man sitting in front of a computer and typing all day must be playing games of some kind. Instead of doing solid, virtuous things like looking for a wife.
In Versova, a beach suburb in the far north of the city, I saw a second-floor sea-facing apartment with large glass windows. The waves came almost to the foot of the building. I imagined myself here, at a table, drawing energy from the ocean and hammering away on a Remington: I could turn out a hundred pages a day here – I could write a Les Miserables in a year.
"Just one question," the landlady said on the day we were to sign the lease. "When is your wife coming to join you?"
I explained; she stopped smiling.
"The last tenant was a married bachelor," she said. "He had a wife in Delhi, but he lived alone in this flat. And guess what he was doing here?"
"Tell me," I said, my heart sinking.
"He was familiar with young ladies."
"You don't say."
"And he was coolly running a brothel service. In this very flat."
The waves at Versova will never beat near my Remington. Some other writer will finish his Les Miserables in that flat – with his wife looking over his shoulder.
After two weeks of hunting, I did find a place – at a price far below what I was prepared to pay, and in a part of town with too much noise and pollution. I'd like to get out of here in a few months, but where can a bachelor go? A cousin of mine suggests that there is only one solution: marriage. Otherwise I should just pack up and move to Bangalore. He's probably right. I love Mumbai, but my time here may be drawing to an end. This city's not for bachelors.
I'm not sure whether Adiga's conclusion that Bangalore is a better city than Mumbai for bachelors is accurate or not!
Here, I’m uploading an article on a particular minority, which never gets its deserving share in any subject matter. It's written by one of the most prolific modern day writers, Aravind Adiga. Since I too belong to this category, I felt a kinda compulsion to upload this one. Hope you enjoy reading it!
Bachelor bigotry
- By Aravind Adiga
Shabana Azmi, an Indian actor, recently kicked up a stir by claiming that Muslims cannot easily buy homes in Mumbai. This may well be true: but as someone who recently looked for a place to rent in the city, I assure Azmi that there is a category of person even less wanted in this city than the Muslim. I belong to this category.
Mumbai's real-estate market suffers from a perpetual shortage of good, affordable housing. Landlords are picky. The lack of any real anti-discrimination law in the city means that the rental market is a bigot's paradise. Some landlords rent only to non-Muslims; some turn down Hindus; some permit only vegetarians in their flats. But almost none of them will gladly rent to a bachelor.
In the rest of the world, unmarried men are called by their proper, varied names – singleton, gay, divorced, celibate – but Indian society still lumps them into one Victorian-era category: the bachelor. And the landlords of Mumbai want nothing to do with this fellow. Where the bachelor lives, there the orgy follows; this is the great fear. In the landlord's imagination, half-clad women appear and disappear all day long through the bachelor's door; gasps of illicit pleasure rent the middle-class composure of the building; disgrace and scandal follow. Interestingly, the unmarried woman is not regarded as a sexually depraved type, and many landlords are prepared to rent to them. It is only the bachelor who is taboo.
Like so many of the stereotypes cherished by Indians, this one needs to go. All the unmarried men I know are hard at work – on a screenplay, a novel, or trying to find a wife. It's the fellows with the wedding rings, I notice, who get up to the debauchery. But even in India's most liberal city, old attitudes are surprisingly resilient.
I spent a week looking for places – and got told the same thing every time I liked a flat. Even if the landlord was bachelor-tolerant, he was helpless; many of Mumbai's buildings have rules that explicitly forbid unmarried men from renting or buying apartments. Especially my kind of unmarried man. Three species of bachelors inhabit Mumbai, it turns out. First comes the "company bachelor" – the fellow who works for American Express or another multinational; most landlords will take him on, grudgingly. Lower down the real-estate food chain is the "married bachelor" – who is living alone, but has a wife in Canada (or so he says). Last comes the "single bachelor" – no company job, no wife in Canada. This is me. Making things worse is that I describe myself as a "writer", a category that doesn't mean anything to the landlords of Mumbai; any young man sitting in front of a computer and typing all day must be playing games of some kind. Instead of doing solid, virtuous things like looking for a wife.
In Versova, a beach suburb in the far north of the city, I saw a second-floor sea-facing apartment with large glass windows. The waves came almost to the foot of the building. I imagined myself here, at a table, drawing energy from the ocean and hammering away on a Remington: I could turn out a hundred pages a day here – I could write a Les Miserables in a year.
"Just one question," the landlady said on the day we were to sign the lease. "When is your wife coming to join you?"
I explained; she stopped smiling.
"The last tenant was a married bachelor," she said. "He had a wife in Delhi, but he lived alone in this flat. And guess what he was doing here?"
"Tell me," I said, my heart sinking.
"He was familiar with young ladies."
"You don't say."
"And he was coolly running a brothel service. In this very flat."
The waves at Versova will never beat near my Remington. Some other writer will finish his Les Miserables in that flat – with his wife looking over his shoulder.
After two weeks of hunting, I did find a place – at a price far below what I was prepared to pay, and in a part of town with too much noise and pollution. I'd like to get out of here in a few months, but where can a bachelor go? A cousin of mine suggests that there is only one solution: marriage. Otherwise I should just pack up and move to Bangalore. He's probably right. I love Mumbai, but my time here may be drawing to an end. This city's not for bachelors.
I'm not sure whether Adiga's conclusion that Bangalore is a better city than Mumbai for bachelors is accurate or not!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Father, the Son and the Donkey!
This writing is not my original work, unlike most of my previous ones. I’m writing, in fact re-writing a story, which I learned as a lesson in one of the languages that I studied in my third grade. I’ve been a big fan of this story and I have not only led my life by the teachings of this one, but have also recommended it to many of my friends. May be if you have known me well enough, you might probably have heard this from me sometimes. Another reason I am writing this story here is because I felt it was inapt to study this lesson at that age. People would find it practically beneficial when they go past 20. So, the story goes something like this…
Once, a father and his son go to a market to buy a donkey. They reach this market walking nearly 40 miles from their hometown. Once they purchase a donkey, they decide to use the donkey as the mode of transport and start riding back home. One their way, most of the people who come across them criticize the father-son duo for treating the donkey without compassion and for overburdening it. So, after riding for 10 miles they decide, they will walk the remaining distance along with the donkey. After having walked a distance of another 10 miles, they recollect that people this time had called the duo foolish for not making appropriate use of the available resource. Then the father realizes that their earlier choices were wrong and asks his son to ride on the donkey and he decides to walk along with them. People this time criticize the son for being selfish and insensitive to father’s needs. So, another 10 miles later, now it becomes the father’s turn to ride on the donkey and the son’s turn to walk along with them. This time the father faces severe criticism for being selfish and not caring about his young son. Now they get puzzled as to what might be the appropriate combination to opt for as all the combinations, duo riding the donkey, the duo walking along with the donkey, the son riding the donkey while father walks and the father rides the donkey while the son walks, had exhausted.
It was at this point in time when they were yet to travel a distance of 6 more miles; they come across a sage and consult him for his advice. The sage listens to the entire episode and gives a quite chuckle before he speaks. He asks them, “Having tried all the options did you both avoid criticism. No! So, what you must do… is a very simple option, if you answer this question.” Eagerly the father-son duo says “Yes”. The sage asks them, “Among all the options which one did you find the most convenient?” Both of them reply in unison, “The first option, when both of us were riding on the donkey”. “Then what is the need to be confused! Just do that. But remember, you have wasted 60% of journey, by trying to avoid criticism from the public. Had you not cared about it, by now you would have reached your destination happily”
Bitter truth is that many of us continue to waste 60% of our lives bowing to criticism from the public and end up doing what is NOT convenient to us. May be all of us should follow the sage’s advice in each and every step of our life. Because the choice is simple; Put yourself in discomfort, there will be criticism. Make yourself comfortable, there will be criticism. Why not go for the second option when we are sure of not being able to avoid criticism?
Once, a father and his son go to a market to buy a donkey. They reach this market walking nearly 40 miles from their hometown. Once they purchase a donkey, they decide to use the donkey as the mode of transport and start riding back home. One their way, most of the people who come across them criticize the father-son duo for treating the donkey without compassion and for overburdening it. So, after riding for 10 miles they decide, they will walk the remaining distance along with the donkey. After having walked a distance of another 10 miles, they recollect that people this time had called the duo foolish for not making appropriate use of the available resource. Then the father realizes that their earlier choices were wrong and asks his son to ride on the donkey and he decides to walk along with them. People this time criticize the son for being selfish and insensitive to father’s needs. So, another 10 miles later, now it becomes the father’s turn to ride on the donkey and the son’s turn to walk along with them. This time the father faces severe criticism for being selfish and not caring about his young son. Now they get puzzled as to what might be the appropriate combination to opt for as all the combinations, duo riding the donkey, the duo walking along with the donkey, the son riding the donkey while father walks and the father rides the donkey while the son walks, had exhausted.
It was at this point in time when they were yet to travel a distance of 6 more miles; they come across a sage and consult him for his advice. The sage listens to the entire episode and gives a quite chuckle before he speaks. He asks them, “Having tried all the options did you both avoid criticism. No! So, what you must do… is a very simple option, if you answer this question.” Eagerly the father-son duo says “Yes”. The sage asks them, “Among all the options which one did you find the most convenient?” Both of them reply in unison, “The first option, when both of us were riding on the donkey”. “Then what is the need to be confused! Just do that. But remember, you have wasted 60% of journey, by trying to avoid criticism from the public. Had you not cared about it, by now you would have reached your destination happily”
Bitter truth is that many of us continue to waste 60% of our lives bowing to criticism from the public and end up doing what is NOT convenient to us. May be all of us should follow the sage’s advice in each and every step of our life. Because the choice is simple; Put yourself in discomfort, there will be criticism. Make yourself comfortable, there will be criticism. Why not go for the second option when we are sure of not being able to avoid criticism?
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