Chronicles of Living Alone

It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.

~ George Washington

It’s a popular belief that living alone is a miserable thing in life. Well, my experience so far has revealed something different. Though my experience was the basis of this post, I didn’t write this article keeping in mind any specific individual. This article defies the rhetoric ‘The Miseries of Living Alone’.

Most of us are raised with the idea that humans are social animals and it is almost impossible for an individual to live alone. And if we grow up surrounded by people and seldom undertake travel, such an idea only gets further rigid.

In my experience, living alone gives an individual the highest degree of liberty. You get all the freedom to make a suitable decision. I see that as a chance to enhance your individuality, in this world full of copycats. It’s not that such decisions never go wrong, but if they do, you have no choice but to take the entire blame on yourself and look for a fix yourself. Believe me, the ability of take the blame serves as the first step in the journey of self improvisation. Then again, those who fear failure and shy away from responsibility, and those seeking comforts in other’s shelter may not agree upon this.

My second point is, living alone teaches the value of both, people as well as things. If you ever set up a house, which has nothing but four walls and a ceiling, you will realize the importance of a couch, table, chairs and even a mattress per se. And even after putting such things in order, there isn’t any honeymoon period. The rule of thumb when you live alone is, “If you drop it, you pick it. If you want it, you make it happen” If you ever get a helping hand in this regard, be it from of your parents, siblings, friends or your spouse, you will realize how important they are in your life. You really learn to appreciate people, even for small acts, which otherwise go unnoticed.

Lastly if you are wondering, how can one, who has been in the ‘comfort zone’ throughout life, live through this transition? Well, for those I would like to paraphrase some lines I read a few days back. “The human mind is funny. At first it is scared of the change. Then it displays a clear resentment. With time it learns to adapt to these changes. Enough time passes and it starts getting so comfortable with these changes that living sans them may become harder”

Also, perception plays a big role here. The very same glass can be viewed as half-empty or half-full. With reference to this post, what some view as loneliness, I view it as solitude. The ‘me-only’ time is fast becoming a scarce resource.

And Then...

The story that I have posted in this article is NOT my own work. I read it somewhere and would have been happy to give all the credit to its original author, if only the story had not ended with this line, ‘Written by Anonymous, with a hope to benefit many’. I’m paraphrasing the same story.

A rich American businessman was alone on a vacation in one of those exotic coastal villages of Mexico. Like most of the American tourists in Mexico, he went to a fishing pier, privately owned by the beach resort where he lived. In his five days of stay, he observed an interesting trend. A Mexican fisherman would go fishing in his small boat and would come back with a basket full of fishes, in about two hours. Out of curiosity, he asked the fisherman, “If you spend a few more hours, you could have more baskets of fishes. Why do you get back so quickly?” The fisherman replied, “I’m a busy man. Moreover this much fish is enough for my family and remaining I sell in the local market, which helps me earn my livelihood” Taken by surprise of the fisherman’s naivety, he said, “I have an MBA from Harvard and own a finance company in New York. So, I can help you streamline your process and expand your business” The fisherman replied, “I would love to get inputs from such an intelligent man like you” Then he asked, “First tell me, what keeps you so busy that you don’t want to invest more time to boost your income” The fisherman replied, “Well, after fishing, I drop my kids to school. Then, I and my wife cook. After which, I bring my kids back from school and we all eat together. Getting together with some friends for sipping wine and barbeque occupies the rest of my time. Of course I play the guitar during these gatherings. And there goes my day which compels me to sleep early so that I should be up early the next day to go fishing”. With a sarcastic chuckle on his face, he told the fisherman, “Look, your process is not efficient. If you spend more time fishing, you can sell more and with that extra money, you can buy your own motor boat by this year end. This would allow you to gather more fish in less time and if you continue working hard, ignoring your daily chores, you can then, may be, move to Los Angeles and do direct business with us Americans” Eagerly the fisherman asked, “And then…” Realizing his interest he continued, “Then you may want to focus on your own packaging company. Once you start on your own, you surely may want to consider listing it in New York City and move there from LA”. Again asked the fisherman, “And then…” “Well, if things work out well for you, you will be able to retire in next 15 years.” “And then…” “After retirement you can move to some calm village, enjoy the bright sunshine, spend time with your kids, sip some wine and play guitar with your friends” After listening to the entire plan given by the Harvard educated businessman, the fisherman replied, “Your plan isn’t good. To do what I’m doing currently, you are suggesting a path that wastes 15 years of my life. Am I not doing currently, what you want me to do eventually” He had no answer for this question and he thought in his mind, “This fisherman is leading a life, right now, which I plan to have 15 years from now. And in those 15 years I will have to give up all the simple, but essential, pleasures of my life, which this guy isn’t. It’s about time for me to start rethinking on my life choices”

I’m not sure how many of us actually give up enjoying each day at present, in a hope that we would be able to enjoy more in future. Life’s pleasures don’t really work like an investment. If we give up having fun today, we simply lose it. Working insanely hard so that you will be able to lead a great life in future would be something like cooking nonstop for one week, in a hope that the cooked meal will last for next one month and we will have able to relax in the coming weeks. By doing so, we would only exhaust ourselves and see our main purpose rotting, right in front of us. Keeping in mind the concept of ‘expiry date’ could certainly help us make wiser choices in life.

Psychology & Sales

When we read about sales of large corporations, we are spellbound by the numbers. And sometimes in our mind comes the question, ‘how the hell do these companies manage to get such high volume sales?’ This question is valid though most people conclude that it’s just an outcome of huge money these corporations are able to pump in. Well, this is true, but not entirely true. Though I have no formal education in Psychology or Sales, I could make this claim, with some confidence. They say a University is a great place to exchange and learn new ideas. Absolutely! An informal discussion that I had with a psychology student made me aware of some simple principles of human psychology do help in boosting sales.

Most people visit a grocery shop for the following products (esp. true in the US), Milk, Bread, Vegetables, Meat, Ready-to-Eat products. In the current times when the markets are driven by the focus on customer's convenience, it would be intuitive to club all the above mentioned products together. However, if you observe carefully you will realize that milk and milk products are placed farthest from the vegetables and fruits. The aisle for meat products is never adjacent to the aisle containing bread or ready-to-eat products. Now is this arrangement a counter-intuitive set up or a deliberate move? Of course it is a deliberate move. By placing the ‘frequently-bought’ products in a scattered manner, the store gets an opportunity to display more and more products that one might buy. Trust me, these are the products which are never on your shopping list yet you end up buying them, and spend a comparable proportion of your budget.

Another interesting point that came in my discussion was, how an arrangement of few seemingly unrelated products, boosted the sales. It’s true, generally milk, beer and diapers are placed in a close proximity in most grocery stores. Why? Simple, people with kids are most likely to buy milk as well as diapers. Couples find it hard to handle young kids, which makes, going to bars, difficult. So, such people are likely to pick up some beer as well. A display of big collection of beers would definitely make them more vulnerable to buy it.

Now recollect your actions carefully, keeping the above points in mind. You too possibly have fallen for such a set up, involuntarily. There could be several such trivial points that may be put in practice that help boost the sales. The trick is in knowing your customer’s psychology. If you can generalize a few points based on the culture, climate and perhaps financial status, you could work wonders.

Random Acts of Kindness

“Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.”

- Scott Adams

If two words that come to my mind, used more often with negative connotation than positive, are ‘imitation’ and ‘stereotype’. So on what instance could you possibly use imitation or stereotype, to create a positive impact? I gave it a long thought and then I started to connect the dots. Random acts of kindness may leave a long lasting impression and such deeds inspire people to imitate and spread a positive stereotype.

Though most humans claim to be non-judgmental, seldom are they what they claim. It’s human nature to judge, and judge in a way that he/she experiences at the first go. Hence an adage such as “first impression is the last impression” has ever lasted. Now the question that arises is what these random acts of kindness are and how they generate a positive stereotype? And how would these acts generate imitation?

I generally keep my own experience as a last option, to post here, but I didn’t find anything more compelling than it to make my point. This incident dates back to last summer when I and a friend were on a vacation, in a different state. Being new to the town and having no knowledge about the transport system, we decided to ask a couple about how to get to a particular location. They not only gave us clear directions but also offered us a ride to that place and a drop back to our hotel, if wished to. Though I and my friend declined their offer, their kind gesture certainly made us happy. One of the conclusions we drew was, people from this state are so kind. (The climate & culture varies sharply in the US, from state to state). This act had left a deep impression on my mind and I wanted to emulate it with someone. Life gave me an opportunity nearly 9 months later, to fulfill my desire. While I was riding back home, a couple, which was new to Bangalore asked me for directions to a particular location, at a traffic light. Though I gave them the directions, I could read the confusion on their faces. So, I asked them to follow me, and ensured they reached their destination. When they realized I rode in a totally opposite direction, just to make it easy for them, they were deeply impressed with my gesture. They asked me for my details and days later added me on a social networking site. I also got a thank you note from them. It feels equally good to be a beneficiary as well as a benefactor involving random acts of kindness.

Though you could be strangers, yet people may view you as an ambassador of your country, state, city, family, culture, values per se. If everyone viewed such instances in life as a good opportunity to spread a positive feeling, the world would be a better place to live in. They say, people helping people, is what life all about, isn't it?

Monty Hall Problem: Explained

The “Monty Hall Problem” is one of the classic mathematical problems which has entertained many and puzzled equivalent number of people. You will agree with me if you are already familiar with it and in case if you are hearing the term ‘Monty Hall Problem’, for the first time, I wouldn’t ask you to shoot yourself. The whole purpose of writing this post is to make more people familiar with this problem. It goes like this…

Imagine you are a participant in a game show. The game is about selecting from three closed doors, behind one is a posh car and behind the other two are goats. Obviously, as a participant, your aim is not to carry home a goat, but the posh car. Upon making your choice, the host, who has prior information about the position of the car, shows you a door, which you haven’t selected and has a goat. Now, he again offers you to make a choice, from the remaining two doors, behind one is a goat and behind other is a car. So, your chances of winning the car shoot up to 50%. As easy as it sounds, right? Now, here kicks in the math which makes this seemingly simple problem complex, easy if you are among those math geeks. Initially, your probability of winning the car was 1/3. That means your probability of losing was 2/3. The moment one of the door behind which there is a goat, is opened, you can increase your chances of winning the car to 2/3, simply by switching your earlier choice. This switch accounts to the variable change, which is like choosing two out of the three doors, initially. Of course a lot of people don’t realize this trick, and fail to take advantage of the second opportunity.

Didn’t I tell you the problem seems easy, but isn’t quite as easy as it seems to be. To make things clear, I created an illustrative picture of the same. So, here let us say, you selected D3. So, the initial probability of winning is 1/3. Once the host shows the goat behind D1, and if you switch to D2 from D1, the combined probability of D1 & D2 still remains 2/3. Finally this switch in choice is what gets you that posh car, behind D2.

Finally, don’t curse me for posting a problem and a solution, none of which I have created. I never claimed that, did I? The only aim to write this article is make more people aware of this classic mathematical problem. Another subtle message which this problem teaches us is, life seldom shows you a small example of the wrong choice that you made. And when it does, switch your choices. It may increase your winning possibility!

PS: If you interested to know more about this problem, please check out the Wikipedia page: Monty Hall Problem

Benefits of Tagging

The worst thing that can happen to someone in love is being more than friend but less than a lover.

~ Alvin Kwardi

These advancing times have made me realize a new trend. The trend of, showing a total resentment towards recognizing a relation as it actually is. The term ‘friend’ has become so generic that when someone introduces you as a friend; it’s not as easy to interpret, as it used to be earlier. Those who feel tags and labels are best suited for products at a super market and should be kept out of relationships, are missing a point. I too do not advocate the practice of putting a tag or label on relationships as we are humans and not products sold at a super market. Having said that I find it a little hypocritical when people fail to call a spade, a spade.

In such a case, what is the possible point am I trying to make? From the past couple of months, I have had enough time to have discussions on various topics with people, I think, whose frequency matches to that of mine. One such discussion made it easy for me to make my point. The second most essential factor after trust, in a strong relation is clear communication. By keeping off from being clear, we would only give a chance for assumptions and doubts to crop up. Make no mistake; the person on the other side can never understand what is going on in your mind on all instances. This is the thumb rule for every relation, and this covers your blood relations too. The point is, don’t put a tag for other’s sake, do it for your own benefit. Recognizing things the way they are is better than subtle hints, which never work, especially in the matters of heart, at least in reality.

Take this for example. If a guy and a girl were, let us say, more than friends and these are the possibilities. 1) The guy is serious and the girl isn’t 2) The girl is serious and the guy isn’t 3) Both the guy and girl are serious 4) Both the guy and the girl are casual about it

In each of these four cases, imagine the down side, if silence did the talking. In the first and the second case, the guy and girl will end up with a broken heart respectively. In the third case, things may work out after a delay. Imagine how much fun the two would have to miss in the fourth case, if you know what I mean. Do you see an upside, without recognizing the relations, the way they are?

Merit, Popularity and Wages

If you read these three words, merit, popularity and wages together, you probably will connect them with this logic; High merit will get you high popularity and thereby get you high wages. Agreed, that’s mostly how it works in the times we live in. But life has more unpredictable circumstances which makes smarter choices, a rarity.

An online dictionary defines merit as a) a superior quality or worth b) a quality deserving praise. Going by that definition a lot of names pop up in my mind which don’t fit that bill, yet are widely popular. So, would it be okay to conclude that popularity has got little to do with merit? Probably yes. Let’s try it out. Among these names which ones you recollect without much effort and which ones you are hearing for the first time. Limba Ram, Murli Karthik, S Ramesh Babu. Though Limba Ram is far more meritorious an archer (he represented India in three Olympics) compared to Murli Karthik as a cricketer, I know whom you recognized. I bet you haven’t even heard of Dr S Ramesh Babu from Bangalore. He is credited to some world records and his name features in the Guinness Book of World Record.

Then, let’s try to find the connection between merit and wages. One of the best example I can cite, which certainly will not make me popular amongst some of my friends, is the earnings of a typical techie and a typical journo. At different points in my life, I have had the chance of working for technology companies as well as a freelance writer. I made far less money as a freelance writer. Having seen both the sides, I can safely conclude that the job of a journo/writer is far more intellectually challenging than that of an average techie. Also, I have the privilege of having friends from both fractions. Trust me; the journos seem more knowledgeable and wiser as well. Leaving aside a few exceptions, a journo, though more deserving, earns much lesser than a techie.

Why do you think such irrationality exists? Maybe the phrase, “being in the right place, at the right time”, gives a better explanation to this counter-intuitive nature of the relation between merit, popularity and wages. To me, the true measure of merit will always remain in one’s ability to inspire. If you do agree with me on this, the next time it would be inevitable for you to throw that sarcastic smile at those who attribute high wages only to high merit.

Skepticism Spares None

"Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth in blood."
- William Shakespeare

I’m way too ordinary to critique William Shakespeare. As I have never been a student of literature, I have never had an opportunity to read some of his master pieces (which I regret quite often than not). The only work of Shakespeare which I fully appreciate (read as understood) is a poem called “A Lover’s Complaint” This is a short narrative poem which talks about a young woman at the riverside weeping, destroying the love tokens such as letters, rings etc. It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to guess about her breakup. What astonishes readers is the last part. As she describes how she fell for his fake charm earlier, she also reveals that she would fall for him once again. Well, love can prompt you make counterintuitive choices.

Anyway, my point of focus is not the above poem. It’s about a few people challenging the authorship of this poem. The basis on which few felt that it wasn’t Shakespeare’s original work is the words that are used in the poem are not the ones found in Shakespearean. I was a little shattered to know an allegation made against one of the greatest playwright in English language. Call it ironical, the poem seen as contentious for its authorship, turns out to be my favorite one. This prompted me to look up for substance in this matter. As I spent long hours on the Internet, I came across a term, Oxfordian theory of Shakespeare authorship. This theory developed by scholars gives rise to belief that all the work which we attribute to Shakespeare was original work of Edward de Vere. However the coincidences that have been cited by these pundits cannot be used as core evidence. In such matters it’s a matter of belief. Yes, skepticism spares none, especially the greats.

Still a majority of scholars don’t pay much heed to the Oxfordian theory. In this case, I opine same as the scholars. Back in India, almost every year there is some sort of controversy picks up the heat on Gandhi’s life-style, ideas, sexuality, to name a few. Again there is a majority that rejects the controversy while the minority supports it. Probably, greater you are, the more you need to stand test of skepticism. What convinces me to reject the Oxfordian theory is the question, how the hell did Shakespeare manage to deceive so many people, across the globe. And, if plagiarism was the way, why haven’t other plagiarist gone on to become half as popular as the great William Shakespeare?

PS: If you liked this post, watch out for this forthcoming movie called Anonymous

Time to move on…

It’s amazing how simple events, if observed carefully, teach us so much in life. And this observation comes with experience and situations that you face. Especially when you are lonely, have excess time to kill, you pick up on observation.

I grew up with the belief that relationships are complicated. My observation revealed that people’s feelings get hurt more often than not. And by relationships, I don’t imply those romantic relations. Try it out yourself. Break your life in the intervals of 5 years, starting from 0 to 5, 5 to 10 and so on. Now count the people whom you have added to your life and those whom you have deleted from your life in these intervals. Seems like a lot of faces have changed… right? Only a handful of them may have remained constant. That being the case getting involved too seriously in any sort of relation may seem counter intuitive.

A week ago, my phone stopped working for some reason. I have had this phone for nearly 5 years now and as you can guess I had many names in my contact list. To be specific, 108 names, some with multiple phone numbers. Though I got it fixed I lost all the contacts it had. So, I started recollecting the phone numbers of those people who mattered to me. Yes, only 23 of them, I could. Does it mean the rest whom I knew in the past five years or so, no longer mattered to me? Probably yes. It didn’t hurt to be frank in this matter. What would hurt is letting someone go, whose phone number is still on the tip of my tongue yet situations were forcing me to keep off from that person. I reassessed this simple incident quite a few times. The only message which my mind echoed was, “Veej, life has changed and it’s the best time to move on…”